I think it’s become pretty much a given at this point that every time I move back to Paris I start writing again. Normally, these posts would just be little daily updates on what’s going on in my life and in my research (because school is pretty much always the reason behind my moves) but this time things are going to be slightly different.
If, in coming across this site, you know me well and are somewhat confused by the title, here’s your explanation : my long term boyfriend and I ended our relationship.
Coincidentally, this happened not long before we were due to move back to Paris, and although the move was something of a catalyst for the break, in the months leading up to the split, it started to become more and more clear that maybe our lives were diverging too much, that maybe the love we once had for one another was not enough, indeed, that maybe it had faded. The break was not easy. There were tears on both ends, and although I cannot say for sure, I think both of us were left somewhat raw by it. But we parted with kind words, and although it hurts to think on it now, knowing how much his presence in my life changed me for the better and helped me become who I am today, makes the thought of plunging back into the unknown again a little more bearable.
And I can genuinely say without any cynicism (which has been a constant presence in my life since November) that I wish him well, and I hope he finds happiness in his life.
And that is the last I will say of this.
So where does that leave me now?
I am still moving back to Paris into an apartment not far from the one we used share, but in which I will be living alone. Top floor, no elevator. Great.
I’ll be throwing myself back into my research, with a primary goal of getting my dissertation done (because honestly, there comes a point after 20+ years of constant school that you’re just done), and a secondary goal of doing this while remaining in Paris as long as possible.
This is called trying to see the bright side of things. I could, theoretically, find ways to stay as long as I want.
The daily updates will still come, as will (hopefully) some longer pieces as I get into my research. Hopefully seeing a lot of weird theatre will take my mind off things.
So here it is, my way of coping with personal mess, and healing again. If you’re still reading this, I hope you stick around. It should be an interesting ride.